I yearn for simplicity, or a preconception of what I think simplicity feels like. I can look at a picture of an Amish bedroom and feel the calmness of it. A simple room that has a bed with beautiful quilt, a chair, a dresser, a kerosene lamp and a bible. Ahhh, yes.
Unfortunately, I am finding it harder to do and slip in and out of this Western culture of consumerism, possession and, well, dumbness more often that I care to admit.
This past Black Friday my family went to town. Can you believe that?? I poke fun of those people buying two televisions because it was a great deal. We had a purpose, so it was okay that we went. *eyes rolling* We were on the hunt for a new bed. Hubby's back and sleep was suffering as was mine. So we ended up purchasing a larger bed than we had-a queen-sized! Our double was just fine, shoot, when hubby and I were newlyweds, we started out in a twin. We obviously were both a lot skinnier back then. Anyway, we bought the bed (on a 2-year payment plan-really a payment plan for a bed!) and it was going to be delivered the next day. So we went home, cleared out the bedroom: the current double bed, 3 dressers, 3 nightstands, tons of pictures and other useless items here and there. We actually filled our son's old room. As soon as the room was empty, it felt like I could breathe slower. It was wonderful! The bed came. Because it was bigger we had to change its location. We had to move the dresser and didn't fit in the room right either. Ugh! Does this mean I have to get a whole new bedroom suite?? Maybe someday. For now, we are making due. THEN there is the fact that I had to get new sheets to fit the bed. I can't just throw away all these double sheets-they are perfectly fine. We do have a double bed in the spare/son's room. I will just store them in our closet...somewhere... For weeks I had only the one set of sheets. Wednesday is sheet day. I strip the bed as soon as Hubby heads to work, I get them washed, dried, put back on and the bed made before supper time. Every time I made the bed on Wednesday afternoon I dreamed of another set of sheets so the bed could be made immediately while I was still fresh and productive early in the morning. For my birthday, my dream came true. A new set of gorgeous queen sheets! Yes! The first Wednesday after my birthday I jumped out of bed, pushing Hubby out the door so I could make the bed and blow raspberries at my old sheets in the wash pile and get to them when I wanted. I washed them at the same time I always had before, I mean I can't just leave them in the floor at my leisure...but now, they didn't go back on the bed...they didn't have a home...they had never needed one. Seriously, why was I so unhappy with having one set of sheets. They were still relatively new and beautiful. It worked. Now I have to make room. I have to find a place to store them!! Noooo!! This is what I was trying NOT to do. *sigh*
This pursuit of wanting, not needing, has caused just a bit more stress. Nothing that is going to send me to the ER with chest pains, but it is a little more to contend with in life. I am trying to purge extras, not purchase extras.
That Wednesday afternoon following my 45th birthday taught me a lesson that I don't think I will forget, at least I hope I don't. Simple life is not simple. It is hard work both physically and mentally. It is keeping the concept in your forethought constantly. If you forget or get distracted and get just a little greedy for a quicker option, an easier option, you have lost something of yourself, a piece of your peace. If that sounds a bit overdramatic for you then know that you just lost a little space in the closet that used to be just that, space, sweet, calming space. Whatever it was, it is gone.
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