Fear Not and Farm

As the unknown time of Brie's birthing approaches, the excitement and joy is overshadowed by fear and anxiety.  Why are we drawn to the negative so much more quickly than the positive.  All the "what-ifs" run to the forefront of my thoughts versus the possibility of having little bundles of cuteness jumping to and fro in the barn yard.  The apprehension of milking two does twice a day in the spring eclipses the prospect of having abundant unadulterated milk and milk products for our family and others.

Fear. The sinful emotion of distrust that causes us to change our perceptions, our reactions, and even our heart rate. I can cause myself headaches and even gastrointestinal issues just by being afraid of the possibility of certain social interactions or responsibilities.  Occasionally, I push through, but probably more times than not, I retreat.

There are so many things to fear: terrorism, black widow bites, the dark, flying, the future of our children, our health, baby goats.  Everyone's fear list is different.  From the list above, I am not afraid of terrorism-my soul is well.  Black widows cause goosebumps, walking away and a bit more vigilance when approaching the same area again.  The dark does not affect me.  I love flying!  I put trust in God, my parenting approach, and my children's judgment for their own future.  I am afraid for everyone's health because of what our government has done to our food sources, and also for the majority, although I feel lessening majority, of our people's concern regarding what we ingest, whether that be food, drink or "medicine."  My first baby goats cause that headache I was talking about. 

Fear has caused me to not accomplish all that I could.  My main mission in life is to have this farm.  Many years ago while working in a neurosurgical office, I remember a conversation about what we wanted.  It could have been a lottery question or a more philosophical question, I am not sure, but I do remember my answer.  I wanted to have a small farm. A homestead. This was before all the blogs and YouTubers out there. And now, here I am many years behind.  Why?  Fear.  That is the only explanation.  Even now with so many things in place and the potential for so much more, I still fear succeeding at the farm and fall into "gotta get a job" mode, "need money" mode.  Do I need a job?  This last year has proven that I don't.  Financially, albeit not above the poverty line, we have lacked nothing that was necessary for survival.  Socially, there are perks to a job in this regard.  There are friends to be made, parties to attend. These friends fade as you become out of sight and you can't afford to attend some of the parties. But there are other ways to find that community that we need. Anything from church to the feed store.  Friendly is as friendly does. Sorry, that was lame, wasn't it?

The fear of failing... Aren't we all afraid of that? I guess one has to put on their Mr. Spock cap and consider things logically.  That's probably the other reason I keep my name in the hat for a job, the reason I don't excel at anything.  'Maybe I am not right for the farm'. ' My skill sets are heavy on the business end, light on the ingenuitive.'  Hmmm, logically, both are needed to some degree, right? 

So, suck it up buttercup!

Fear not and farm! Yep, my new motto.